The Void
by LlamasInShortPants
Summary: The virus is cured. Alec is gone. Funny how Max isn't as happy as she thought she would be.


A/N: This started out as a challenge to myself – I don't do angsty, emotional writing very well. Those of you familiar with Tangle probably understand that =) But this idea has kind of been floating around in my head, so I gave it a shot. Comments are more than welcome, I very much want to get better.

The Void

Space Needle, Present

It was the illusion of tranquility.

There's nothing calm or peaceful about a big city, especially one in the wake of a calamity like the pulse. People are scared and bewildered, nobody knows what's going on, lifestyles are turned inside out over night - there's enough confusion and chaos to satisfy even Pan for awhile. So to climb above it all - to look down and see only twinkling lights, to hear only wind – it was easier to convince oneself that the world was quiet. And if the world was quiet that meant it was okay to shut it out for a little while, shut out everything else and leave only yourself.

Usually when she came to the Space Needle it was because she was searching for that peace, the one that allowed herself to think and feel.

Tonight it was out of desperation.

She tucked her knees to her chest and pulled the turquoise Seahawks sweatshirt she was wearing over them. Normally she didn't feel the wind, not even when it was that particular biting brand of Seattle winter - but today she seemed incapable of ever getting warm.

She didn't particularly want to think right now and she definitely didn't want to feel – at least not about that one specific thing. She'd been doing a remarkable job the past five days of avoiding the subject. She didn't talk about it, didn't think about it – life continued as if nothing had changed. And nothing _should have changed, she told herself fiercely. Nothing should have changed._

TerminalCity, Six Hours Earlier

The warm hand curling around her upper arm still came as a shock. Even after five days her first instinct was to pull away – fear ingrains habits far more effectively than any other emotion.

"Max, we need to talk." Logan's smile was less strained these days, in fact he was almost buoyant, but right now he was looking like his usual serious self. She knew exactly what he wanted to talk about.

"Not good." She replied, pulling away from his grip, "I've got Val and Jay bringing in a shipment of supplies in five minutes – everything's got to be unloaded and the inventory taken-"

"Max." His tone sharpened, "They all know the drill, we've been doing this for months. Terminal City runs like a finely oiled machine these days, you can spare a few minutes."

She didn't know why she was so reluctant to talk about this with Logan. It was just that every time she thought about it… well, that was the point, she didn't think about it. Couldn't stand too.

"Fine. So talk. And make it quick."

Logan watched her in that quietly assessing way of his, as if she were a chess board and his queen was being threatened. She knew what he was going to ask, knew what he wanted to know. What she didn't know was her answer. For five days the virus had been cured. For five days they had been able to touch at any and all times they wanted. And for all five of those days she had avoided Logan Cale, love of her life, like _he was carrying a disease that would kill her. He was hurt, anybody would be, and he had every right to know why they hadn't consummated their long suffering romance._

"What happened on Tuesday?"

The question was so unexpected, so far from the one that she had been preparing for, that Max knew her surprise was reflected on her face. It was also enough to slip under her guard for a moment.

_Why the fuck didn't you do us all a favor and just stay away for good this time?_

The rock that been sitting in her stomach for the past 96 hours climbed slowly up her throat.

"Nothing happened. He gave me the vial and left."

"Joshua said you had a fight."

Her laugh was utterly devoid of humor, "So what else is new. It's all we seem to be able to do."

"That's what I told him. He said this was different, Max. He's really upset about it."

She avoided his eyes, wished she could avoid his words. "He's over-reacting."

"Then where's Alec?"

_It doesn't matter, she thought with desperation, __you're not asking the right question. Where he was, wasn't what was keeping her awake all night, wasn't what was burning a hole in her heart. The only thing that mattered was whether or not he was coming back._

"I don't care." She gritted her teeth against her churning stomach and focused on Logan with such ferocity that he almost took a step back. "Get it through your head – I. Don't. Care. Not about Alec or whatever mess he's gotten himself into this time. He's no longer my concern, not ever again. And this discussion is over."

She turned and walked out of the building, her spine so straight that not even a Manticore drill sergeant could have found fault with it. She didn't really think that Logan would believe her, it's difficult to convince someone else of something you yourself don't believe. But maybe he'd back off for awhile, long enough for her to get a hold on her emotions.

Space Needle, Present

No, nothing should have changed with Alec gone. Sure, she'd be minus one annoying, exasperating, infuriating, occasionally amusing pain-in-the-ass, but with two hundred transgenics to take care of she shouldn't have missed one. She didn't even _like him all that much. He drove her crazy, he messed with her head, he infuriated her to a degree that no one else had ever managed, and he was a certified fuck-up._

_Why the fuck didn't you do us all a favor and just stay away for good this time?_

And she would never, as long as she lived, forget the way his eyes had shifted from glowing hazel into cold, hard emerald.

_Well, then it's a good thing I lied when I said I'd bring you a present – I actually brought you two. And it's probably a toss up as to which one will make you happier._

Nothing should have changed. Instead, everything had.

TerminalCity, Four Hours Earlier

Due to the stress of the past few months, the fighting and the tension and the general chaos, Joshua hadn't had much spare time to paint. He was making up for it now that an equilibrium had been reached. Max found him just where she expected, in his living room sitting thoughtfully in an armchair in front of a canvas.

"Hey, big fella." She said softly, coming up behind him and studying the uncharacteristic swirl of pastel colors that sat in front of him. "Nice."

"Max always say that." He replied, making another dab with yellow. "Even if Joshua's painting is ugly – Max says it's nice."

"Joshua has never painted anything ugly." She said loyally, moving to his side and tilting her head to see it from a different angle. "I will admit that it's not your usual style."

"Max would never hurt Joshua's feelings." His deep voice was slow, and sadder than usual.

Max looked at him, studying that strange face that had become as dear to her as her own. She had a sinking feeling that she knew where this was going. "No, I would never hurt your feelings."

She had come here to discuss this with him, to explain that everything was all right. Logan had said he was upset, and that was unacceptable, no matter how badly she didn't want to talk about it.

"Max said she wished Alec stayed gone."

Truth, when it could be reached, was often very simple. In this case it was also harsh and unforgiving, and hearing it dealt so clearly was like a slap in the face.

"Max hurt Alec's feelings."

_You've been nothing but a hindrance and a liability since day one._

And shutters, brick walls, emptiness had closed over those wonderful, laughing eyes.

"Yes." Her voice sounded far away. "I did."

"Max didn't mean it."

She sank down slowly onto the arm of his chair, staring forward but not seeing. "No." The understatement of the year. "No, I didn't."

TerminalCity, Four Days Earlier

She had been so scared. He'd been gone for eleven days. Eleven days and six and a half hours with no word, no clue as to where he was. Just the snap of a cell phone, a Cheshire grin and the roar of his motorcycle starting up, "I'll be back Maxie, gotta see a guy about a thing. I'll bring you a present." So maddening. So characteristic. Except that he'd never been gone so long. On the third day she'd tried his phone, with no answer. No big deal. The fourth she tried again, several times. No answer, not on the fifth or sixth or seventh. His phone would just ring and ring and ring and she would clutch her receiver, willing a voice, a deep, smooth voice to answer. Eleven days and every one of them worse than the one before. By the eighth night she was having nightmares - vague images of agony that she couldn't help and screams that she couldn't find. She'd half convinced herself that White had him.

Then he just walked back in. Tuesday evening he strolled back into their TC base, looking a little tired and grungy but still fully in one piece. The jackass even had the nerve to stop and chat with one of the X-4's, making the other transgenic laugh, before he continued towards her.

Her relief had almost sent her to her knees.

It was like watching a star move towards you. The air seemed more charged, the light reflecting off him was almost sparkling and everything seemed somehow better. It was then that Max had realized just how keenly his absence had been felt.. Not only had she been worried about his safety – she had _missed him. Alec being gone had created a vacuum in her life. One that, in eleven days, hadn't been filled by something else._

The realization had thrown her completely off balance. Miss Alec? Miss his constant chattering and his practical jokes and his inevitable screw ups and his teasing and laughing? It wasn't possible. She should miss him like she should miss a hole in her head. How had he managed to wiggle and squirm and scam his way into her life? She would never know. But he was there, suddenly important and vital.

And nothing could have infuriated her more

She should have walked away. Should have turned and left until she had regained some perspective. In some defense of herself, she had tried to control it, had tried for cold anger instead of hot. "So kind of you to grace us with your presence."

"Isn't it." He grinned – unaware of just how deep her fury ran this time. "I swear, you guys really need to start paying me to be around, making your small lives worth while."

Of all the possible things he could have said, that one was a little too close to home. It shoved her over that fragile precipice and she gave her fear and rage control of her tongue. "Believe me Alec, nobody around here missed you. With you gone, we actually went a whole week without a mishap or a dramatic scene. Life was looking pretty damn good!"

His grin faded, "Max, I-"

"You've been nothing but a hindrance and liability since day one. Why the fuck didn't you do us all a favor and just stay away for good this time?"

And all that light that spiraled around him seemed to be suddenly sucked in by a black hole, leaving only something cold and empty. They stared at each other for a long, long moment. Dead silence rang in the building as no one dared to breathe, let alone move.

"Well, then it's a good thing I lied about bringing you a present, Maxie - instead I brought you two. And it's probably a toss up as to which one will make you happier." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and watched out of hooded eyes. "You'll be relieved to know that the only reason I've been sticking around this past year is because I pay my debts. I pay them in full."

He sauntered towards her as he spoke. "I'm only in your hair until I can toss you your precious cure." His left hand came out and reached into an interior pocket. In the next moment a small vial was somersaulting through the air and Max caught it reflexively, her gaze not leaving his.

Alec smiled. It was an obscure smile, full of shadows and a strange, dark satisfaction. "Two presents in one - must be your birthday."

The world was very quiet. Very still. Waiting for the cue to begin again.

It never came.

He saluted her - a loose, two fingered mocking salute. Then turned and walked back out the way he'd come.

Her palms were sweating and her heart was thudding against her ribs, left over adrenaline for a fight or flight that hadn't materialized. She watched him disappear out the door and into the night and standing there, didn't fully understand that he was leaving. Alec couldn't leave. He was a permanent fixture in her life, in the lives of everyone around her, he couldn't just walk out the door and not return. It wasn't a conscious thought, simply her mind rejecting the option in a very primitive, very basic way. It was Alec. And no matter what she said or what she did or how loud she yelled or how hard she pushed, Alec was always around, driving her mad.

Period.

Space Needle, Present

It was Sunday now. Five days after Tuesday. Five days after she'd said unforgivable things. Five days since he had left, with no good-bye's to anyone. No clue where he was planning to go. On Thursday she'd found his apartment empty, with the exception of a turquoise Seahawks sweatshirt and several empty bottles of Cuervo.

Life was about as calm and peaceful as it got these days - TC was running like a well oiled machine; The virus was cured; and Alec, always one of her bigger problems, was finally out of her hair. 

Max stared down at the lights of Seattle and noticed dispassionately that they were beginning to blur together. Something hot was making her cheeks wet.

Tranquility, she decided, was highly over-rated.

The End

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For now, read this as a stand-alone. I don't have any intention at the moment of doing a sequel, but I know myself, and I may be incapable of leaving it alone until we get a happy ending. But that won't be for awhile, if ever, I have to finish Tangle first (yes, a new chapter is coming, I'm just having some plot problems that I'm trying to hammer out). Also, tell me if the time jumps were confusing, how it flowed and all that. I got myself a little mixed up just writing it.


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